Our young child caught us having sex... How should parents react?
Gabriele Oberhumer has often dealt with this topic during counselling sessions. She alleviates parents’ worries: “for children, it’s not a traumatic experience and it can be used as an opportunity for an initial discussion about sex.”
A natural and open attitude towards the topic of sexuality is beneficial to psychosocial development. Parents should learn about sexuality in children and the course of its development so they can answer questions in a manner appropriate for children. Sex education is a continuous process that starts with the first questions a child asks.
Possible steps that can be taken in a situation of this kind:
- Stay calm: reassure the child if they are scared and explain that everything is OK. A sentence like “mummy and daddy love each other, everything is fine” can be helpful.
- Explanations that are appropriate for children: depending on the child’s age and level of understanding, give a simple explanation. For younger children, an explanation like “mummy and daddy are cuddling,” is enough.
- Define territorial limits: establish clear rules like the parents’ bed is only for the parents or that children should knock before they enter the room.
- Send positive signals: if the child heard moaning noises, explain that it is an expression of joy and affection so there are no misunderstandings.
- Create an open environment: children should know that they can ask questions at any time. Parents having an open and relaxed attitude encourage a healthy understanding of sexuality.
When it comes to young people, the expert explains: “from our work with young people we know that they want love, relationships and sexuality to be treated as something totally normal and they want answers to their questions. Talking about sex is more than just a discussion of where babies come from.”
If you want to talk about this topic in a protected environment, you can contact one of the numerous Austrian family counselling centres. You can make a free first appointment.
Our interview partner
Gabriele Oberhumer is the head of the counselling centre for pregnant women in the Caritas Association of the Diocese of Graz‑Seckau.
Caritas der Diözese Graz‑Seckau
Grabenstraße 39
8010 Graz
Website der Caritas Graz-Seckau
The interview was conducted in February 2025.
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