What’s the right way to parent?

“The advantage of looking at various approaches to parenting is that you become familiar with various attitudes and a wide range of possible solutions. But (future) parents should also be aware that parenting guides are often kept very general and they’re not ‘Bibles,’” says Ulla Pongratz. “It's important not to forget that the authors also express their own attitudes” adds Sandra Recek. Therefore, to achieve clarity you should focus on your own values and ask yourself “what do I really want to give my child on their journey?”

According to the counsellor, in the first few weeks after birth it’s mainly about building a safe bond and relationship between parent and child with mutual proximity and trust. Pongratz-Elsnig: “There are many ways to achieve this, most of which parents use intuitively, like physical contact or the facial expressions and gestures of parents when they interact with their baby.”
Between six months and a year, the first boundaries can be set with loving clarity. “It’s important to note that every child is different! Parents should trust their gut and their intuition. In the first phase of life, children primarily learn from those they are closest to, so being a role model is a key factor in the child’s development and raising a child,” says Sandra Recek.

As more boundaries are set over time, it is important to ensure you give the child enough freedom to live out their urge to explore, have experiences and learn new things.

Parenting also depends on the experiences you have had yourself. This influences your own values and as a result your attitude towards parenting. So some couples may have different ideas. “Ideally, both parents should agree with one another well and always talk things over. If there are different opinions, ideas or even conflicts about raising children, these should preferably not be played out in front of the children,” says the expert.      
 

If you have any specific questions, you can make an appointment for an individual counselling session at one of the Austrian family counselling centres. The appointments are free of charge.

Our interview partner

Ulla Pongratz-Elsnig is a lawyer and a life coach and social counsellor (in training and under supervision) and a qualified occupational and social education specialist. Sandra Recek is a psychologist and responsible for the first contact at the counselling centre and the coordination of parent education.

Caritas of the Diocese of Graz-Seckau
Grabenstraße 39
8010 Graz
Website of the Caritas Graz-Seckau

The interview was conducted October 2025.