Straight, gay, bisexual or pansexual? When sexual orientation becomes an issue

Unlike in days gone by, the state and society no longer specify which forms of sexual desire are “right” or “wrong”, forbidden or allowed, except in very few justified cases. Every person now has to find their own way. This creates freedom, but can also trigger questions, fears or conflicts.

Wolfgang Obendrauf has been working as a men’s counsellor and sexual advisor in Graz for many years. People regularly come to him, often confused and unsettled, if the safe haven of belonging to the heterosexual majority needs to be called into question.

“We tend to put people in boxes, into heterosexual or homosexual categories,” he reports from his practice. But these clear boundaries don’t exist for many people. “Many people are somewhere in between, and depending on the phase of life the desire may also widen.”

In addition to people who identify as bisexual, there are also those who speak of pansexuality. They feel attracted to people regardless of the gender of the person.

Wolfgang Obendrauf speaks of a continuous process of self-discovery triggered by interactions with other people and the emotional reaction that these interactions can trigger.

Despite noticeably more tolerance and visibility in the media and in public, for many people it remains a challenging step to accept themselves if they feel sexual and romantic attraction to people of the same gender. Many people have negative ideas or prejudices that continue to exist and have been internalised by their education and the media. These need to be overcome for the person to come out and to experience satisfying relationships.

In many major cities, coming out is often not a problem. Gay people can experience normality there. Others have to grapple with massive anxiety. In some rural environments, but also in families with traditional values, deviation from the heterosexual norm can represent a risk. Degradation, exclusion, bullying and other forms of violence come up repeatedly in counselling sessions.

“The fear of not being accepted prevents many people from living their true sexuality. For some, it can even be life-threatening,” says the counsellor. The risk of suicide among young, homosexual men is significantly higher than in the general population. Accepting your sexual orientation is the only way to create the basis for a satisfying sex life and relationships.

The ways in which people can be together in relationships are many and varied. Wolfgang Obendrauf highlights the fact that there are satisfactory solutions for everyone.

Obendrauf encourages people to be curious and give their feelings space. “It’s about consciously realising what you are feeling,” he says. You need to overcome any derogatory prejudices you have yourself. Talking to someone you trust can be helpful. “Conversations can help you to achieve clarity and self-awareness,” the sexual counsellor says.

In summary, understanding your own sexual orientation is an individual process that requires time and self-acceptance. “There is no right or wrong answer in love and attraction. It’s important that you stay true to yourself and that you are willing to listen to your own feelings,” Obendrauf summarises.

If you have any questions or are experiencing any conflicts, family counselling centres offer information and counselling in all regions of Austria. It is anonymous and free of charge.

Our interview partner

Wolfgang Obendrauf is a qualified systemic life, social, marriage and family counsellor. He is also a certified sexual counsellor and works in the Männerberatung (Men’s Counselling) in Graz and at the partner, family and sexual counselling centre COURAGE* in Graz.

Männerberatung Graz
Dietrichsteinplatz 15, 1. Stock
8010 Graz
Webseite der Männerberatung Graz

The interview was conducted in July 2025.