Mann mit Kapuze. Er schaut in den Himmel und lächelt.

Saying yes to yourself

“If you know where your own limits are, you can defend them. If others know where your limits are, they can protect them.”

With this quote, Albert Feldkircher gets straight to the point of a core topic in self-determination. This topic often comes out during counseling sessions about a life crisis. Anger, disappointment, anxiety and sadness are feelings that lead you to yourself, but that doesn’t mean that you can then act in a self-determined and self-aware manner. “You’d think men in particular would be able to do it, but that’s not the case, it just manifests differently. For them, the focus is often on thoughts of success and the pressure to be successful. This stops them from doing what they really want and what would be good for them,” says Feldkircher. Fear of losing face and shame often make it difficult to stand by what is real.

Women are more reflective, so it’s easier for them to say yes to themselves. “The most important thing is recognising where the other-directed focus really is in life and to concede to that. Then in a next step you can create limits and clarity and stand by yourself,” explains Feldkircher.
It’s often not easy to draw a line between egoism and taking your own needs seriously. “Just try to find a good balance between what others want of you, want you think others want of you and what you want,” the professional recommends.

Communication with those around you on all issues is essential. Good time management could also be helpful to help you plan your quality time.
You should ideally go through this process of recognising, understanding and finding out in the presence of an expert.

You can do this at any time by making a free appointment with one of the numerous Austrian family counseling centers. You can use the search function on this website to find a center near you.

Our interview partner

Albert Feldkircher is a men’s, marriage and family counselor at the Marriage and Family Center in Feldkirch, Vorarlberg. 

Ehe- und Familienzentrum der katholischen Kirche Vorarlberg
6800 Feldkirch

The interview was conducted in February 2022.

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