How do I learn to let go of my children?

loss and grief crisis

It’s often difficult for parents to give their children enough space to develop.

“Whenever there are dependencies in relationships, it’s also about letting go and trusting,” says Konrad Liebletsberger. Parents in particular need to do this in the various phases of their child’s development. “For small children you need to sense their needs well. When the little ones run away, you can see that they mostly come back very quickly and a type of pendulum movement develops. They need to test themselves and just need reassurance that their mother or father is there.” You need to leave some space, but be present. When the parents are a bit further away, for example in a separate bed, transition objects like a stuffed toy can help. “In a metaphorical sense, try to stand behind and next to your sons and daughters, not in front of them like a protective shield.”

When children start nursery, it can also be a challenge for parents to trust the nursery. In reality there are hardly any dangers: “you need to realise that they will call you in an emergency and your child is being well looked after.”

According to the professional, in puberty parents often link their child’s experience to their own. He advises doing this consciously. “Your children need to experience self-efficacy. You have already laid the foundation stone on which you can rely.” During this development phase, being allowed to test the boundaries is an essential process – the pubescent teenagers need to reorient themselves outside of their parents’ house. Here, too, the counsellor offers a visual image: “you need to let the kite fly and keep giving more and more string so it can fly. See it as an opportunity!” Parental presence: yes. Too much control: no.

If you as a parent find it hard to let go and want to talk about it, the Austrian counselling centres are available. Make a free appointment.

Our interview partner

Konrad Liebletsberger is a psychoanalytical and educational counsellor, educator and special education teacher in the Mikado Team at the Arcus Sozialnetzwerk.

ARCUS Sozialnetzwerk
Marktplatz 17
4152 Sarleinsbach
Website of the ARCUS Sozialnetzwerk

The interview was conducted in December 2025.